he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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