i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
