i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
