Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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