anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize