I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
