your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize