D3 body, D1 cock
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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