He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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