Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
