no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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