I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
