my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
