something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
