Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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