Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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