Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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