My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
