yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
