I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
