I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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