My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
