I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
