Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
