I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
