I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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