now i know why i became what i already was.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
