I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
