she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
