I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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