It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
