Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
