how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
