do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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