FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
