My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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