I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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