Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
