I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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