Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
