On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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