i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
