this boner is exhausting
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
