Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
