If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
