I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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