My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
