I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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