i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
