True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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