my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
