I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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