i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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