Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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