I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
