Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
