[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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