Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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