I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
