Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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