she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
