Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
