Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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