True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
