I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
