Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
