How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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